Sleepless Dreams

I wrote the following, a few weeks ago, after my first volunteer day at the retreat center [the dream job I’ve spoken of a few times before]:

Every now and then I find myself unable to sleep. Sometimes it’s because I had too much caffeine… Sometimes I slept in too late… And sometimes – like this time – it’s because my day was so great my mind, body, soul doesn’t want it to end.

Today I volunteered at the place where my future awaits. A slice of Heaven indeed. It’s a retreat center back in the hills of KY that serves as a place of rest and rejuvenation for ministers/missionaries and their families. 

I spent the day doing typical household chores- cleaning and scrubbing – but it was so much more. The sense of peace wanders through the air and the excitement of working hard meshes with the knowledge that my help is needed and is making a difference. Money seems so unnecessary when you’re doing what you love. 

What made the day even more amazing was I got to spend it with a two year old that was pumped up to clean! So not only was I doing what I am good at and helping people at the same time – I also got to be a kid at heart in the process! [and not have to deal with the “terrible twos” when her drama queen side flared. I could smile as her mother dealt firmly, yet graciously with her.] Someday I’m sure I’ll have a terrible two of my own to deal with… but not today 🙂

The day ended with a delish meal and a great conversation about how finances are covered for a full-time position with them. DREAM COME TRUE. I’m still in the discernment process, but the fact I can’t sleep to save my life makes me think that it’s the direction I need to head towards. 

Though there are sacrifices I’ll have to make such as fully trusting in God for my funding [can be a bit scary] and leaving my AMAZING roommate and apartment, part of me… A BIG part of me believes, hopes, thinks, prays that this is the right path for me. If I were a job – this would be it: Cleaning so people in ministry can rest, listening to their life stories, cooking delicious meals for them, helping to plan retreat weekends, living in the middle of nowhere, serving God, serving those who are in the direct line of service, loving, trusting, picking up my cross and following Christ. Yeah, I’d say that’s the dream 🙂

Community and Hopes Thereof

It’s fun to go back and read some of the essays I wrote for previous life opportunities. They speak of who I was during that time and who I was hoping to become, what experiences I had and what experiences I was hoping to have. I wrote this essay for my application to CAP, unbeknownst to me at the time, my application for the best time of my life.

What I’m looking forward to in community: 

“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness” (Romans 12:3-8, KJV). Just as the Bible teaches, living in a volunteer community is being the body of Christ. We may all have different duties, but at the end of the day, we come back together and do what we can to build each other up. If the foot is hurting, then the whole body limps. I would like to live and work in a volunteer community because I get to invest in new people, get to know them and be a part of their journeys. I look forward to making new friends and networking, though I’m apprehensive about people breaking off into cliques, and even the unavoidable lifestyle clashes. 

Volunteer communities are such an attractive choice. It is a group of culturally diverse people, gathered together within the bounds of the same purpose: to help, to serve, to love. In some ways it seems like the “easy” route, because everyone lives in a close-knit community, it’s hard not to get to know each other. I do realize that these close-knit communities do present problems as well. That’s bound to happen with a group of people with completely different life-stories. People were raised differently, have different beliefs and values, and have different life goals, but as long as themain thing is kept the main thing there shouldn’t be too many issues that can’t be dealt with, gracefully. 

I look forward to making new friends and investing time in their lives. I really (simply) love people. They come from so many walks of life with so many different stories to tell. I love listening and understanding all that people have gone through. Relationships in a volunteer community are crucial. I have spent a couple summers working on dude ranches out west. Living with the staff that I worked with encouraged me to develop relationships with them. These relationships became vital, and at one of the ranches, I wouldn’t have made it through the summer without them. I still talk to many of them, but even the ones that I don’t talk to regularly, I keep in prayer. We were like a family, and whether we know it or not, we always will be. That’s what I expect in this next community: a family to learn from, encourage, and enjoy for the duration of the volunteer chapter of my life.

With every new experience comes apprehensions. One of mine is cliques. Unfortunately it’s not just a middle school problem. People find other people who are like them and continue on to spend the majority of their time with them. It happens; I’m guilty of it, but sometimes it separates people and hinders quality relationships in the volunteer family. I guess the best way to avoid cliques is to not be in one, and try to spend time and get to know everyone. My only other apprehension is the clash of lifestyle choices. Within the Christian religion, there are some many different subcultures and beliefs therein. I don’t like to be pressured into doing something that is against my beliefs. Though, I have been in situations before (e.g. the summer ranch jobs) where people from many different walks of life have made many different decisions about how to live their lives, and I was able hold my own then; so all things considered, I should be able to hold my own now. 

All in all, I look forward to living in a volunteer community. Whether God puts these people into my life for the time I’m there, or thereafter as well, I know that they will help me grow in my walk with the Lord, and will expand my capacity to love. It won’t always be easy, but it’s in those rough moments that God chisels into my character and carves a better me. As it is written in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God, and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” I pray that you will consider me as a vital member of one of your volunteer communities.


Thursdays are my worst days. They’re not terrible and it’s probably more of a “First-World Problem” sort of thing, but to me they’re not good. They are valley days that follow my mountain high days. I have two “mountain high” days per week – Sundays and Wednesdays. Sundays because it’s church and me-time and soccer. Mondays aren’t too terrible because I don’t mind 2nd shift – I can still sleep in… or run while it’s still cool outside. Whereas Thursdays are 1st shift, bright and early mornings that usually follow too late of nights, and it’s usually bloody hot outside by the time I get to run. But I love Wednesdays. Wednesdays I volunteer all day at cR – usually doing some sort of physical labor [which is AWESOME!] like cleaning cabins with multiple levels or painting. Then afterwards I usually hang out with a friend or go to town, aka Richmond, and drink really good coffee or people watch or bond with my awesome housemate, since this is one of the few moments each week that we actually get to see each other.

So today, God reminded me of a really cool lesson [please sense some sarcasm… thanks 🙂 ]. Good things are good, but only in God’s timing. I learn this lesson more often than I should – hopefully sometime it will just stick. Today, I learned it the hard way. I was overly exhausted as I was ending my shift, but also was overly hungry [I always forget to pack a lunch on the early shifts]. So I decided that I should order a pizza to pick up on the way home. And I LOVE PIZZA. I designed it to my pleasing – jalapenos, red peppers, and pineapple – saucy, spicy and sweet = yummm. Issss gooood. Then I napped. Not long enough though, because in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to run – to train for this delightful half-marathon [I know you sense the sarcasm, there is a bit there, but I am actually excited for it.]

I knew I should wait until 7 or 8… You know, when it cooled down… and my stomach had a chance to settle. But overly exhausted days always bring out the worst in me. My bad habits come out to play and I get all anxious and start feeling like crap [probably because I treat myself like crap.] Anyway, I decided around 6:30 to run. And I knew during this run I had to up my game, run a shorter distance but at a faster pace, so I could start trimming down my time. And I did. 10 minutes – 1 mile – and then death. My love of pizza and jalapenos, and my love of running didn’t love each other. It’s amazing how in those moments when I know I am my own culprit of the urge to curl up and die, that I can still hear the still, small voice of my Savior saying “It’s gonna be okay. I still love you. Let’s get you home.” But don’t worry, I don’t get off the hook that easy, I also am reminded, “Remember this feeling the next time you want to do something in your time. And then instead of treating yourself like crap, Wait on me.”

I’ve never really been good at treating myself well. Whereas I live to treat others well. I love people and helping them realize how awesome they are or how greatly God is going to use them for His Kingdom by encouraging them, cooking for them, sending letters, hugging, and simply being a listening ear. I’m blessed to have friends that do the same for me. But I need to learn how to do the same for me. I need to learn how to treat myself as the temple of God.

Several weeks ago at church we sang the lyrics, “Holy Spirit you are welcome here. Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.” During those lyrics the Holy Spirit prompted me: Is your soul a place where I feel welcome. Do you welcome me [the Holy Spirit] in? If not, what do you need to get rid of? What distractions are hindering you?

Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends? If not, why not? Sarah, I don’t think you’d really want to treat your neighbors as your treat yourself, because frankly, you don’t always treat yourself that well. I love you. Why don’t you love you [or the me in you – if you don’t want to feel too self-centered]. Do you treat your body as a Holy temple? Do you nourish your mind, body and soul so that I feel welcome? Would you advise a friend to eat delicious yet deadly pizza and then go for a run? I don’t think so. You need to start treating yourself as you treat your neighbors. ❤ 

just livin’ the dream, or so to say

Life has been somewhat crazy lately. Maybe it always is, but now I’m starting to recognize it.

While driving home from somewhere, sometime, I heard the familiar lyric on the radio, “Dreams come slow, but they go so fast.” And it always seemed to slide by and fade away into the lyrical abyss, as many of the other words and phrases do, but not this time. It hit. Hard.

Things I’ve been dreaming about for years, are now here, in the present tense, and I can see them already sliding away as new dreams form and become the focus and direction. And it doesn’t mean that these new dreams are bad – quite the opposite – they are exciting possibilities! But what effect do they have on the present day dreams. Do present dreams and future dreams balance out?

My wonderful housemate and I dreamt of living together after our volunteer experience. We first dreamt of Louisville, then Minnesota, and then our paths parted for several months. Until naturally life lead us back to the same town and same apartment, near to where we had served for two years. It’s amazing having her as my roommate! I always have someone to talk to about my life – the interesting people I meet, my crazy moments, and all the stories in-between. We can catch up on Netflix TV shows together, eat together, pray together, and live, TOGETHER.

But after my re-arrival in Kentucky, I found a new dream… Well, it’s more like a new dream found me. A dream that would hold me in Kentucky, but would tear me out of my delightful apartment with my most amazing roommate. It’s not a bad dream. Nope. It’s actually a dream that mixes with my ideal-crazy-I-never-actually-thought-would-happen dream. I’d get to live in the boonies at a retreat center that serves ministers, missionaries, and their families. My title would be “Missionary” in Kentucky – DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?! For me – Not that I know of. It won’t be an easy dream, then again the dream I’m currently living in isn’t easy either.

I’m living in Kentucky = LOVE with one of my best friends = PERFECTION but on the job front… I’m thankful, but NOT okay. I get the opportunity to learn the front desk position at a hotel [I’ve done housekeeping, laundry, and breakfast hosting – so I guess it’s about time.] My boss is awesome and my co-workers are super cool and it’s such a BLESSING to get to know them, but I’m not fulfilled.

I want to HELP people. I want to SERVE people. I told God, before the epic move back to KY that I wanted to just get rid of all the burdens and junk in my life, travel lighter, pick up my cross and FOLLOW HIM. I want to TRUST HIM for everything. I know that HE WILL PROVIDE even if I have to fundraise for my salary. I’m actually quite CONFIDENT IN HIM that He can provide me much more than I am making now.

The best thing I know to do is to do my best to balance it all. To be content and grateful in the present, excited and prayerful for the future, and be as they say “Just livin’ the dream.”

It never hit me before, but maybe it’s a thing of my late 20s onward: Dreams come slow, but they go so fast. Just another reason to live in the moment.

The best piece of advice I’ve ever received is from a life coach. She told me I focused too much on making my decisions and living the decisions I made. She mentioned that I might be a different person at the time of the decision versus when the decision takes effect. Instead of making my decisions, I need to LET MY DECISIONS MAKE ME. So maybe that’s what all this is. Maybe I’m not making my dreams, MAYBE my DREAMS ARE MAKING ME. Maybe, just maybe.

Stay tuned for more insights and dreams and life, and stories too! Coming soon to a theatre near you 😉