So as I get near to the end of this so-called dream path, I’ve been reading through some of my older blog posts to remember why I was so passionate about this in the first place. Because frankly, right now, I’m not feeling so passionate. More like anxious. Like why would I ever have thought this was a good idea?! Living ALONE in the woods with SPIDERS and MICE and all sort of BUGS. Where it’s incredibly DARK and QUIET. Where the passion to serve seems to have SLIPPED AWAY. And I’ve somehow LOST MYSELF.
I’ve noticed a few things:
1. This past year and a half, I have had the opportunities to try out a lot of my so-called dreams. Social services, photography, hotel front desk, and retreat center. And though they are all areas I am gifted in, through experience I’ve realized that they are definitely not what I want to do with my life.
2. My mom and I talked about how blessed I am to have tried. Folks in their generation were trained to get a job. Folks in my generation are trained to follow our dreams, to adventure out and try new things. Though now exhausted, I am blessed to have been able to try.
3. “Sometimes God lets you try your dreams, so you can realize they aren’t right for you.” One of my prev co-volunteers from my CAP volunteer life told me something along those lines, and those words have gotten me through the rough patches. It’s true. My step-dad always says, “Well now you know what you don’t want to do,” which is also very correct. I don’t want to be a caseworker. I don’t want to be a professional photographer. I don’t want to work in a hotel. I don’t want to serve at a retreat center. I’ve exhausted my expertise in the hospitality industry, and don’t want the focus of my job to be hospitality. And though for many years I’ve worn rosy retrospects, I definitely don’t want to have my own dude ranch ministry. However I do want to visit a dude ranch as a guest- Wind River Ranch specifically [I almost had a chance to work there as a photographer/videographer, but God called me to KY instead]- check them out, they’re awesome!
4. Even though I’m simply trying to find my place in this world, God has used my time to bless others. More pastors and missionaries have been able to stay at cR while I’ve been there to clean. And many folks have tasted the magic of cheerio bars. #myworkhereisdone
So God, now that I know what I don’t want to do in life… What do I want to do?! Let’s settle into a new adventure 🙂 Yeah God, I said it, I’m ready to settle. To invest. To create community. To live. To love what I do. To smile and laugh. To be me. To be RahRah. To sip wine and share stories. To literally dance in the rain and puddle jump. To run. To capture moments. To be 26 and single and living life to the fullest!