I think I was onto something the other night. How can anyone be expected to understand God the Father as loving, when many of us have lost our fathers, or they walked out, or simply weren’t present in our lives? In moments of adulthood fear, searching for safety, I’ve realized, growing up, that it was never a father I went to for comfort, but my loving mother. Last night, I felt less fearful than I have been, and more safe as I imagine God’s presence as my mother.
Before this thought, “God protecting me” was simply words, truthful words, but none of them ever stuck. The same goes for God loving me. I’ve been praying for weeks, months, maybe even years for the truth of God’s love to sink into the depths of my being. I think it would create a more desperate desire to share Jesus’s love with others, if I truly knew it myself. I’ve known it on paper for nearly my entire life, but I have yet to understand or fathom it in my own life.
This God the Father thing, doesn’t come naturally to me. Jesus I get, but God was more of a creator, or spacey commander of the Old Testament. Fathers in general didn’t come naturally to me. Growing up without a dad (passed away from Leukemia when I was three), I was generally uncomfortable around even my friend’s dads. There’s no class for us fatherless of how to act or what to talk about, or really anything. So we learn from TV shows and observance of our friend’s families. I did, at least. I do have an older brother, and his presence probably could have been helpful, but when we reached an age when anything would’ve mattered, he decided he was too cool for his weird and annoying little sister. Though in all honesty, brothers are meant to be brothers to their sisters, not fathers. So I’ll cut him some slack.
I personally don’t know of this fatherly love or protection, but what I did know was I had one heck of a mother bear. My mother would fight for me, whatever the cost, even to this day. I knew I could run to her when bad dreams shattered my sleep. I know her love for me is beyond that of anyone else. Which means, if I can picture God, as someone who is as present, loves me and fights for me as much as my mother does, then it will be a good start to begin to grasp these truths.
Think about it. Is your father a good image for grasping the love of a Heavenly Father? If so – awesome! You are blessed. If not, who is the one person who loves you better than anyone else? Imagine them always at your side – protecting and always loving you. God’s abilities are so beyond man’s, but I’m finding this is a good place to start.