Poetic Confession

Clearly I’m broken, this is not news.

But what is the root of my sinful muse?

I’ve tried to stop it all on my own.

Lord I need you, and your love to be shown.

. . .

Sometimes I just… I just feel numb.

While my hormones keep fighting – it’s time to get some.

Being a Christian makes this part so hard.

Wishing one night, I could hand in that card.

. . .

Privacy! You say, I should keep it to myself.

The intimates of life stacked away on some shelf.

The world makes it tough to talk about our feelings.

Especially those of sexual dealings.

. . .

I’m learning how, to not play so nice.

So here I go, breaking the ice.

I’m a 29-year-old virgin saving sex for marriage,

But don’t think I don’t struggle with sexual disparage.

. . .

When I turned twenty, I found masturbation

To be a release for stressful situations.

Pulling me out of numbness and depression,

And releasing the thoughts of my hormone’s obsession.

. . .

However, in this I feel my soul dying.

To justify it, I forever keep trying.

Some sources I read call it normal and healthy,

While others declare it to be spiritually unwealthy.

. . .

I’m reading this book that answers with brokenness,

So prayerfully shattered, it’s time I confess.

Broken men and women (seemingly) don’t care,

Who finds out about their sin, (so others beware).*

. . .

It’s the struggling alone that gives sins their power,

To grow and to make us humans feel sour.

So sorry if my words have been too much information,

I’m praying they lead to a sinning cessation.

. . .

Here lies the end of my poetic confession.

To me this has been a free therapy session.

Sharing my deep, dark faults is not always easy,

But I must follow my heart, no matter how cheesy.

. . .

Even when He leads me through the trenches and valleys,

Loving and forgiving, beside me He rallies.

Emotionally empty and spiritually strong,

Obeying God will never be wrong.

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* DeMoss, Nancy Leigh. Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness: A Revive Our Hearts Trilogy. (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2008), 52.

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